April 09

I was in Denver for the candidate’s forum. I got there early the day before so I could spend some time with a friend. All my plans fell through. What do you want? It was Friday the 13th. I had time on my hands so I ran errands. All my errands were in my old neighborhood so I decided I would swing by my old stomping grounds, Stella’s coffee house. Stan, the owner is never there on Friday afternoons, but this Friday he was there going through the trash.

I walked up to the dumpster and asked what was going on. Stan and I are like brothers. His sister Stella, for whom the coffee house is named, is a friend. I know his other sister Sharon. We’ve been friends maybe 14 years. He looked at me and smiled one of his beautiful smiles and gave me a hug. Stan is one of those old hippies who found God, lost it and finds it now and then in his own private struggles and prayers. He has had a hard life, a hurt back, and a huge heart. He still has a hurt back and a huge heart.

He started telling me about an employee I’ve known for years. Stan is loyal to his employees. I’ve watched several grow up. He said the young man is schizophrenic and the past week tried to get off his medication.  It was a disaster and culminated in a nightmare Friday 13th for Stan. The young man had gone from project to project doing more harm than good. He had tried to clean the ice cream freezer because he thought it was too dirty and ended up ruining the ice cream. He threw away a portable fireplace door made of solid copper. He had thrown away some tools and that was what Stan was fishing out of the dumpster when I got there.

Stan showed me where he had found the young man. There were pebbles lined up along a piece of trim bordering the bottom of a small storage shed in back of the coffee shop. Some of the other employees had called to tell him something was seriously wrong going on and he needed to get down there quick. He told me the young man was sitting on the ground next to the storage shed crying when he drove up. Remember, Stan is an old hippy.

“What did you do?” I asked.

“Well what do you do, man? I sat next to him and hugged him and stroked his head and told him I loved him. What the hell are we here for anyway?” Stan asked me.

Stan then said, “I went inside and found the ice cream and some other food items on the floor behind the counter. It was a mess, man.”

“What did you do then?” I asked.

“I came back out here and he was sitting here still crying and trying to apologize. I just hugged him again and said, “Hey man, we go to take care of each other. It’s OK. We can get more ice cream, we can’t get another you.”

“So what is going to happen now?” I asked.

“We get him back on his meds, man. We have to take care of each other. What else is life about other than that?”

I smiled and said, “I love you too, Stan, and that is why.”

Stan hugged me again and said he loved me too. We talked some more about friends, Stella, the young man, and some of Stan’s own dramas.

When I left, I was changed, renewed really. Actually, I felt a past self I had lost contact with during all my efforts to get through the internships, fellowships, job searches, and moves. I had forgotten how much I missed the person I once was and who is still there. I guess you could say I had my own personal resurrection.
I began to wonder what kind of world it would be if we all were like Stan. What would happen if we all stopped what we were doing to love one who is hurting? Many of us are struggling with finances (I certainly am). Some have lost jobs and others can’t find one. What if we took a few moments to remind ourselves as much as anyone, how much we love each other.

We live in a culture that has us identify with our finances as our worth rather than our hearts. We are not our money or lack of it. We are not our divorces, our accidents, our struggles, our misfortunes, our heartaches, our illness, our pains. We are people who deserve love. By that I also mean loving. If you give your love freely, it doesn’t matter if you don’t get love back right in that instance. You will. It is not the love you get that transforms your life, it is the love you give. 
Another business owner might have fired the young man. Stan chose to love him. The choice Stan makes everyday is one that keeps him going. What will you choose?

By the way, this is an absolutely true story. It happened on Friday the 13th of March. Maybe Friday the 13th ain’t so bad after all.